Autistic = Un-intelligent

My son is 2 years old recently diagnosed severe Autism Spectrum Disorder level 3 by the DSM5 criteria. He was also labeled At-Risk for Intellectual Disability (mentally retarded). Just a few short months ago he was basically non-verbal and now look what he can do. What could be mentally retarded about that? Amazing.  I am so proud of my son and I was very inspired to share this video with all of you.

It is important that you know:

-There is always hope

-It is never the end

-They always know more than it appears

-They are worthwhile individuals

-Never give up on them

-Fight for them

-Love them intensely

-Protect them

-Believe in them

-Encourage them

-Advocate for them

 

Never stop, never.  No matter how hard, no matter how sad, no matter how afraid, no matter how dark, no matter how confused, no matter how distraught.  Never stop.  Never let “them” tell you that there is nothing you can do.  That simply is not the truth.  I will battle to the bitter end for my son. Always. Until my last breath.

xoxo

“Ask, Believe & Receive”

Will The Pain Last Forever? Emails Included

I asked a dear friend this question today because she too is a mother of a disabled child.  The emails are below >>>

 

Date: September 24th 2013 11:12am

From: *******

To: *********

Subject: Hi, E****

 

Dearest E****,

Will it ever stop hurting? I know that you know the heartache.

 

Stephanie

Sent from my iPhone

 

 

(((((((((((((((After writing this email I quickly sent her another.))))))))))))))))))

 

 

Date: September 24th 2013 11:15am

From: *******

To: *********

Subject: Hi, E****

 

Dearest E****,

I hope my last email didn’t offend you.  I couldn’t resist asking you if the pain lasts forever.  Forever seems like a long time.

 

Stephanie

Sent from my iPhone

 

She simply replied, “No, the pain doesn’t last forever.” and for some reason hearing that from her comforted me to know that this won’t last forever.  I thank her for everything that she has been to me and is to me now.  Someone so angelic that has really taken me under her wing and been so kind to me when I probably didn’t deserve.  I think that some people in this world are angels sent by God to protect us and there is no doubt in my mind that she is one of them.  Thank you.

Gluten-Free Curried Rice with Shrimp

***Ingredients***

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
2 teaspoons curry powder
1 cup long-grain white rice
kosher salt and black pepper
1 1/2 pounds peeled and deveined large shrimp
1/2 cup fresh basil

***Directions***

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and carrots and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft, 6 to 8 minutes.
Add the garlic and curry powder and cook, stirring, until fragrant, 2 minutes.
Add the rice, 2½ cups water, and ½ teaspoon each salt and pepper and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, covered, for 15 minutes.
Season the shrimp with ½ teaspoon salt and ¼ teaspoon pepper. Nestle them in the partially cooked rice. Cover and cook until the shrimp are opaque throughout, 4 to 5 minutes. Fold in the basil.

Credits to:

http://www.realsimple.com

The Light Is Dimming

The light full of life in Kian’s eyes has become increasingly dim in the most recent days.  I have nightmares every night that when I look into his eyes they will be empty.  With each passing day, I am able to understand him less and less. His tantrums are becoming more frequent/severe and my ability to solve his problems is diminishing.  He sleeps less and less each day and his irritability climbs higher and higher.  I can’t help but think I’m losing my baby and my mind.  My judgement seems much cloudier and helplessness is growing strong.  When he screams out in a high pitched voice, my heart knows something is wrong but I can’t seem to find the answers. I touch his body to feel his temperature and then I check his eyes, ears and stomach before moving on to feel if any bones are out of place.  He usually continues the screaming and throwing his body around. And when I am all done checking him all over, I simply stare at him blankly.  My mouth is quiet and no sound is coming out but on the inside I am screaming, suffering and immersed in desperation.  Ashamed to even look him in the eye knowing I can do nothing for him.  When I looked him in the eyes, the very first time, without words I promised to protect him as I had done for each one of my children yet somehow I had failed him.  The very promise I had made to always keep him safe, happy and secure had been broken.  He was waiting on me to assist him, fix things and make it all right and I could not do any of those things for him.  

He seems the most peaceful when asleep.  That is the best time for me to really look at him and admire how beautiful he is.  How special he is.  I find myself sometimes lost when I am looking at him.  Wondering where things went wrong.  I would love to say that everything is Ok and that he will be just fine, but nothing feels fine anymore.  Life is simply not great, good or Ok.  Autism is like an energetic force sucking the life out of my child and leaving little to nothing behind.  At the beginning of this journey I was like any parent, convinced that my son could be “cured”.  In fact believing in a “cure” is my right as a mother and as a human.  The more I research and study this “disability” the more I am left drained and a lot less hopeful than I once was.  I will never let go of my hope for a “cure.” Or the hope I have that one day I will wake up and things will be just “fine.”  Those things aren’t as attainable as I once thought but they are always in the back of my mind. I will always be asking God for a miracle

I spend countless hours wondering about what quality of life my son will have.  What will be his fate?  Will he ever become independent or will I spend the rest of my life taking care of him.  I love him and I could easily spend forever with him but I can’t help but wonder what would happen to him if I wasn’t here.  Who will take care of him when I no longer can? After all no one could ever love him as much as me.  I would feel no peace in my heart leaving him behind in this world.  

Tomorrow I go in to finalize and come up with a treatment plan for my son.  And brighten that light back in his eyes.  Today feels like a huge loss.  Today I have to let go of the hopes and the dreams that I had for my child the first time I held him in my arms.  I have to burry what I thought our lives would be and welcome what’s to come.  Tomorrow is a new day for us and I am not sure what’s in store.  I can only imagine the struggles we are up against.  And on my toughest days my faith can be shaken up a little bit but my love and belief in God is always solid and strong.  I still feel as strongly as ever that Kian is a gift from God.  He is so exquisite and miraculous in so many ways.  He is special, funny, loving and so brave.  He is natural, raw and innocent.  He has the ability to touch other people’s lives just by being who he is.  There is something about him so magnetic.  I felt it the first day we touched.  People are drawn to him and connected to him through something so much more powerful then despair, loss, disability and even Autism.  

 

xoxo